Yesterday,
After a lecture
The gentleman I am
I saw her off at her hall.
We had such a conversation,
From love to heartbreaks to chemistry,
To medicine to everything.
We talked about fear.
Certain things and how thoughts
Of them drew adrenaline.
I boasted I feared nothing whatsoever
No man or woman whomever, that
I only fear God.
Later that night,
As I lay on bed waiting
To succumb to inevitable sleep,
I thought of a lot of things:
My life,
How far I have come,
How I have allowed myself
To be hurt twice by one same person
All in the name of love.
Lessons I have learnt,
Promises I have made and broken,
And a whole lot.
And I was thankful for a lot of things:
My life and my family,
My twins and my friends,
My many successes,
And many failures and shortcomings.
I took another look into me
For those things I feared most.
Surprisingly,
There was a tall list.
I feared for and everything
I fear
For the day of reckoning,
When we are put to judgment
For how we lived on earth.
I know I have nothing
To fear if I do all
Things right,
Live right,
Only achievable by
Loving God more
And accepting my wrongs
And never taking his grace
For granted
Otherwise Christ’s death
Would have been a waste.
But there’s always a battle
As a result of complete burial
Of the sinful man
With the crucified Christ.
I fear I won’t overcome
This battle ever completely.
I have always been the perfect son,
Nephew, grandson, cousin, brother
In my family’s eye.
I am taken to be perfect
But I am not.
I am as fallible as everyone is.
I fear
That I would bring disappointment
To anyone who has
Held me in high esteem,
Looked up to me
And loved me dearly.
When we were kids,
All we ever wanted was
Growing up quickly.
Back in High School,
No one wanted to be the youngest.
We either added a year or two to our ages
So no one looked down on us.
But right now,
I am so scared of old age.
I see old people and I get the shivers.
They can’t disgust me ever.
I am scared for myself,
That once-independent-me
Would have to lean not only people,
But some piece of walking stick
For support.
Thoughts of things I’d lose
Saddens my heart,
My teeth for instance
Trading pronunciation of ‘v’ for ‘b’.
The desire, loss of libido
It’s so unbelievable!
I would be reduced to a child.
At least a child has something to hope for
Knowing adolescence and adulthood pends soonest.
What would I to hope for
When I would be all wrinkled
Barely able to keep my own?
I am joining the gym
At my university soon
But what’s the point
If after all the work outs
I would lose my six-packed stomach
To a bulging potted belly at old age?
There would be no need
Who would be there to attract?
My old wife or whom?
There would be no flirting.
No adventures any more.
I fear the exuberance of my youth
Bowing to fragility of old age.
I fear a lot.
But I trust God when he says,
I should cast all my anxiety
On him for he does care.
Tears were in my eyes
And sleep did come finally.
Poetry 